Bleach : Mistletoe Madness
by thebrokendevil
Summary: There really isn't much romance in bleach, is there? Even Shinji sees that! He comes up with a plan to bring some romance into the Seireitei at a Christmas party. Will he leave alive? Will he leave at all? Find out! The ships I use are IzuHina IchiRuki IshiHime KenseMashi ShuRan and Hitsuyori! READ&REVIEW! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL ALL!


**Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN BLEACH! Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo! I only own the plot idea!**

**General Summary:Because Bleach is not a show that has many canon romances, I will make an aftermath to the final episode 366 that consists of alot of ships, some hinted in the show, and some that few people support, but it's mostly whatever I support. And it all happens at a Christmas party.**

* * *

It was that very special time of the year, Christmas Time! And this holiday is nothing new to the Soul Society. The Head Captain had arranged a big party that was going to be held in the Squad One barracks to celebrate. Captain Hirako, Otoribashi, and Muguruma managed to coax the head captain into inviting the other Visoreds, as well as Ichigo Kurosaki and his friends. In exchange for this, those three captain's had to watch over the preparations for the party.

Shinji was supervising during the morning shift. He sighed in boredom, but then a thought occurred to him. Just then, his lieutenant walked beside him and said,"Good morning, Captain. How's your watch holding up?"

He turned to face Hinamori with a tired expression and said,"Oh hey, Momo. Things are going well. I don't see why I have to be here but that's just what needs to be done." He sighs again and thinks more on the thought he had earlier. He turns back to Momo and asks,"Are you going to the party tomorrow, Momo?"

"Yea, I am. Why?" She asks. Shinji thinks for another moment then says,"And that guy you like...what's his name...Izuru, he's going too, right?"

Momo blushed and looked off to her side, mumbling a faint "yes" and her captain thought even more(TBD:Shinji thinking-BAD). Then when he made up his mind, he got his signature devious smirk with a wicked look in his eyes. Momo looked cluelessly at him and asked,"How long have you been awake, Captain?"

Hirako hung his head down and said in a sleep deprived voice,"Since dusk." He straightened himself out and let out a deep breath. His lieutenant spoke again,"I can take over the rest of your watch."

Shinji's eyes nearly closed from tiredness and he said with a yawn,"Thanks, Momo,"He turned to walk to his quarters,"You're way better than my last lieutenant."

Momo asked curiously,"Who was your last lieutenant?" Shinji knew he shouldn't say his actual name, so he just said:

"He was a complete and utter...smart-ass." And with that, he went to his quarters for sleep.

* * *

The next day was the big party. As expected, Ichigo, his friends, and the other Visoreds had arrived at Shinji's request. But after much thought, Shinji had come up with another reason for them to come. Everything was going according to plan.

Shinji was standing along the wall, looking over everyone in the crowd. He had something in his hand behind his back. His lieutenant came over, wearing a Santa Claus hat (TBD:I would give anything to see her in one),"Merry Christmas Captain," She handed him a wrapped box and he took it with his (really weird) smile. He put it in his pocket and said,"Thanks Momo, and here's my gift to you."

He uses his empty hand to give a thumbs up to Rose, who then gives his own lieutenant a kick in the back towards Momo. After he regained his footing, he turned around to find who kicked him, but his captain had already fled the scene. In his moments hesitation, Hirako had already taken what was behind his back and lifted it above the two lieutenants' heads. They both looked up at what was dangling from his hand. A small green plant.

Mistletoe.

Once they're minds registered what it was, they looked back to each other and they faces turned beat red. Momo was blabbering to herself in her mind, and Izuru was having an EMO-tional freak out inside. After he took a deep breath and made up his mind to brave, he leaned down and pecked Momo on the cheek. Then he walked away, trying not to explode with emotions. Momo just stared dumbstruck at everything that just happened, but then snapped her head towards her captain, who was laughing so hard, he was clutching his stomach and leaning against the wall for support. When he regained his composure, he said with a sly grin,"Merry Christmas, Momo." and then he started laughing again.

"Captain," Momo whined, her face still as red as ever. His laughing slowed down and he wiped a tear from his eye. he then said,"Ok, ok. I'll make it up to you. Meet me back here in 30 minutes. I have a plan I'd like to call,'Revenge of the Fifth'"(TBD:If you get the pun, you rock)

Momo just nodded and walked back into the party. Shinji looked for his next victim, and he spotted Ichigo and his friends,"Perfect." he muttered to himself and walked over. When he got there, he picked the most unprofessional greeting that he has ever used. While Ichigo was talking to Rukia, Shinji slung his arm around Ichigo's shoulder, raised his other arm up, and cheerfully said,"Merry Christmas, Ichigo!"

Ichigo looked at him weirdly, before trying to shove him off while saying,"Get off of me Shinji, what's wrong with you now?"

Shinji looked at him calmly and said flatly,"Before you worry about me, you might wanna look up."

Ichigo looked up at Shinji's other hand and saw the famous Christmas Mistletoe, and under it was him and Rukia. Shinji took a step back, keeping his hand hanging over the two. After a long pause, surprisingly Rukia jumped up, wrapping her arms around Ichigo's neck, and planting a kiss on Ichigo's lips. Ichigo stared with wide eyes for a moment, then started kissing back, wrapping his arms around her waist. When they separated, they stared lovingly at each other for a minute and then Ichigo snapped at the closest captain.

"What the hell was that Shinji?! Why are you metaling in my love-life." Said captain was tying his mistletoe to the bottom of his sheathed sword. He looked up for a moment and shrugged, swinging his sword around, and said,"It's not just your love-life. Today, I'm metaling with everyone's love-life." His careless sword swinging resulted in the mistletoe hanging over Uryu and Orihime, who shared their own awkward moment, and then a Christmas kiss. Ichigo's eye twitched at Shinji's ideals, but then asked,"Whose love-life specifically?"

Shinji pointed to the people he was playing matchmaker for and Ichigo thought over his choices and said,"You clearly have a death wish, Shinji." After that he walked away with Rukia following, while Shinji waved cheerfully. He then walked over to the group of Visoreds, who were sticking together for the most part. Lisa saw him with a silly plant attached to his sword and walked over.

"What are you up to now?" She asked. He put a fake offended look one and said,"Well, merry Christmas to you too, Lisa."

"Don't avoid the question."She said unamused,"Why do you have a mistletoe attached to your sword?"

Shinji smiled again,"I'm playing Christmas matchmaker so don't blow my cover." He whispered before sneaking up behind two other Visoreds, Kensei and Mashiro, and raising his sword above their heads. While Mashiro stared at it in amazement, Kensei turned around and tick-marked at Shinji.

"What the hell, Shinji?" He exclaimed. Mashiro tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned around, she pointed at the mistletoe,"What's that mean Kensei?" She asked. Kensei sighed and said,"I'll tell you in a minute." With that she skipped off while Kensei stayed behind to question Shinji.

"Care to explain?" He asked, but he was really demanding it. Shinji frowned and said,"Why does no one want to say 'Merry Christmas' to me?" Kensei gave him a stern look that could make anyone scared and Shinji gave his reasons,"I'm just using a mistletoe to add romance into the Seireitei. There really is never any."(All Bleach Shippers:AMEN!)

Kensei sighed again, this time to calm himself down, and said,"Please tell me you're bringing no other visoreds into this." Shinji smiled and pointed over his shoulder at someone. Kensei looked in the direction and said,"See you in hell." Then he walked away.

Shinji walked back to Lisa and she gave him a look of disapproval. Shinji just smiled and used peripheral vision to see Kensei explain what a mistletoe is to Mashiro, and then Mashiro pull him down by his haori to follow the Christmas tradition of a kiss under the mistletoe.

"Promise to leave me out of this,"Lisa started,"And I won't warn everyone in the room about you and your 'idea'."

"Deal!" Shinji shouted. He knew that if she wanted to tell everyone in the room, she would just tell Yoruichi and have her flash-step around the room to spread the word. He walked away so she wouldn't start asking for more stuff since she was keeping his secret.

He aimlessly walked around the room, using his mistletoe to make any soul reapers that looked cute together kiss. He came upon a nervous Shuhei leaning against the wall and biting his thumb nail with his gaze flickering to the side. Shinji waltzed over and put his hands behind his back as casually as possible,"Hey Shuhei, you look worried about something." He stated with concern but with a hint of deviousness. Shuhei put his hand down and his cheeks grew red. Stuttering, he said,"Uh, Captain Hirako..uh well..I was..um…"

"You have a crush, don't you?!" Shinji exclaimed. The room was so full of chatter that no one heard him. Shuhei got redder and looked at the ground. Shinji threw his arm around him and asked with clear deviousness,"Who's the lady you got your eyes on?"

Shuhei's eyes flickered to the side again, and Shinji followed his eyes,"Rangiku Matsumoto?" Shinji asked, and Shuhei nodded. Shinji took his arm back and said,"Your prayers have been answered, Lieutenant Hisagi!" He shouted again, still muffled out by everyone else. Shuhei looked at him confused, but then Shinji explained,"Go over there and talk to her, and leave the rest to me."

"What do I talk about?" Shuhei asked nervously. Shinji sighed and muttered,"Kensei's right, this kid is hopeless." Then he said loud enough so Shuhei could hear him,"It's Christmas. There's a starter, and then just talk to her like any normal person who has the same rank as another." Shinji was a little irritated that a lieutenant didn't have the balls to talk to a female. Shuhei took a breath and got off of the wall. He nodded to Shinji and walked over in Rangiku's direction.

After a minute of Shuhei talking to Rangiku, or more like him stuttering while she carried on most of the conversation, Shinji put his sword back on his hip, walked right up to them, and put on his cheerful facade.

"Merry Christmas lieutenants!" He cheered in a sing-song voice,"You two look like you're enjoying yourselves!" Shuhei smiled nervously at what he was planning to do, but he dismissed it so he would look good in front of Rangiku,"I have an idea!" Shinji shouted suddenly, as if he just thought of it. He pulled his sword from his hip, sheathed, and raised it above their heads. The mistletoe dangled above the lieutenants' heads, and they stared at it for a moment. Shuhei smiled nervously again, while she smirked in her naughty but innocent way. She jumped up and captured Shuhei's lips in a fluent motion. He just froze in time for a second before responding and kissing back.

While they had a make-out session, Shinji scratched his head in fake confusion,"How did that plant get there? I was gonna have a Christmas sparring match." He said, and then with fake disappointment, he muttered,"Oh come on. I called dibs on Rangiku." He winked at Shuhei and was about to walk away when Rangiku grabbed his haori sleeve. He turned around just when she parted with Shuhei and started talking.

"Captain Hirako, do you think you could use that mistletoe on someone I know?" Shinji smirked deviously and said,"I think I know who you're talking about," he looked at the clock on the wall,_"Thirty minutes flew by quickly."_ he thought before talking again,"And it's about time I got ready to do just that. Wanna help?"

"Of course." She turned to Shuhei and tugged on his hand,"You're helping too, right?" She looked at him with big, pleading eyes and he broke instantly,"Y-yea, sure." he responded. With that, the group walked over to where Shinji was to meet with Momo, who of course, dragged Izuru into the whole thing as well.

* * *

After ten minutes of preparation, the five had a good plan for Shinji's ultimate love-life metal, called,'Revenge of the Fifth" since it was originally just gonna be him and Momo. What they came up with was Shuhei and Izuru blocking the entrance doorway in case the 'victims' tried to escape, and Momo and Rangiku made sure they somehow crossed the same general area, where Shinji would then use his epic powers of match-making, a.k.a a plant taped to his sword.

The girl victim passed by Momo and she gave a thumbs up to her captain. Rangiku on the other hand, was teasing the other victim and shoved him in Shinji's general direction. After he regained his footing, he was about a yard of Shinji, who then shouted at him.

"Captain Hitsugaya!" Said captain looked over to Shinji, who was raising his sheathed sword above Toshiro's head. Shinji winked and whispered,"Merry Christmas."

"Huh?" Toshiro said, confused. He looked at the tip of the sword,"What the hell?" He thought and then looked down to the person next to him. There were only two people in this room who were shorter than he was, and he saw no pink hair saying it wasn't the Squad 11 lieutenant. Beside him–underneath the mistletoe with him–was…

Hiyori. Sarugaki.

She however was still contemplating the fact that there was a mistletoe above her head. Once she met eyes with Toshiro, both midgets' eyes widened in realization, shock, and then horror.

They both darted away as fast as the could, Toshiro for the door like a half-dignified person, and Hiyori for the wall, putting her hand up to her face to summon her mask,_"She's breaking through the wall."_ Shinji thought with no sense of surprise. He unsheathed his sword, and before either Toshiro or Hiyori could escape, he uttered,"Collapse, Sakanade."

He had tweaked his sword the night before, making the pink aroma spread quicker to those he thought of. He also temporarily turned off the upside-down factor of the inverted world, so Toshiro and Hiyori, who's mask broke in surprise, found themselves running right into 'each other', turning around, and running away from what they thought was the other. At the very last second, Shinji resealed his sword, and watched in amusement.

When they're eyes cleared of the illusion, Toshiro and Hiyori were already a centimeter apart, and pulling back was out of the question. As a result, their lips found each other.

They pulled back as fast as possible, and while Toshiro rendered what just happened, Hiyori acted on impulse. She punched him in the stomach, making him topple over, put her foot on his back, and pulled his scarf tightly around his neck, making his face go from tan, to red, to purple.

Shinji picked her up and started running towards the door so she wouldn't try to kill anyone else. She wriggled out of his grasp, slipped off her flip-flop, and smacked him into the closest wall. She put her flip-flop back on and ran out the door in a closed in tantrum she would release in some far away place.

Meanwhile, Momo and Rangiku were helping Toshiro with his scarf and got him on his feet. He limped over to the crater in the wall were Shinji was stuck. Right as he was about to get loose of the crater, his hands and feet grew numb. He looked at his feet and saw they were frozen the wall, and the same with his hands. He looked up and saw Toshiro walking out the door with no expression and his hand on the hilt of his sword. Everyone else started walking out, passing Shinji and doing nothing about his situation. Ichigo passed by him, with his arm around Rukia, and shouted at Shinji,"Told ya you had a death wish!"

More people passed by and Shinji struggled with no success. Kensei walked by as well with Mashiro skipping next to him, and repeated over his shoulder,"See you in hell!"

"Oh c'mon Kensei!" Shinji yelled,"Just use your Tachikaze to break this ice really quickly!" "No!" Kensei instantly yelled,"Ask the Head Captain or your lieutenant, someone with a fire zanpakuto might actually burn you by accident."

Shinji stopped struggling for a minute and yelled across the room,"Hey Head Captain, can I get some help here?!" The Head Captain simply shook his head and followed everyone else out. Momo and Rangiku walked by and he gave them a pleading look. Rangiku shook her head saying,"Being his lieutenant, I don't really get a say in whether I can help you or not. Good luck, Captain Hirako!"

"And I'm afraid my Tobiume might burn you entirely," Momo stated,"Bye Captain, and Merry Christmas!" They both left and headed for the door, where Izuru and Shuhei were waiting. The two couples linked arms and walked out the doors that closed as they left. Shinji was left alone, in the dark, frozen to a splintery crater in a wooden wall. He sighed and said to himself.

"Merry Christmas...my ass."

* * *

**LOL, writing this was so much fun for me! I might make a New Year's sequel! Now my ships list! IzuHina-Let's face it, Izuru has a crush on her|IchiRuki-Linked together by a sword|IshiHime-Uryu also has a crush on Orihime|KenseMashi-I think that one's obvious|ShuRan-If Gin was alive, I would never have included Shuhei, BUT FILLER EPISODES COUNT!| Hitsuyori-Fuck you, haters! this is an awesome ship and personally, the only one that makes sense on my shipping standards. Review and tell me if you want a New Year's sequel! I'll probably make one anyway. And since Rnji wasn't even mentioned, I might pair him with Tatsuki in the next one. IDK SHE'S AVAILABLE! See ya guys next time!**

**P.S. Because of this One-shot, I will not be uploading a Bleach : The Lone Wolf chapter this Saturday. And if I make a new year's one-shot, same rules apply for Jan/4 when BLEACH IS ON AGAIN! ABOUT DAMN TIME!**


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